You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
