It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
