Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
