Where did you get a picture of my penis
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
