The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
