my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize