i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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