Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
