So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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