Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
