your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
