Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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