I am puke
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
