i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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