He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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