I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
