I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
