sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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