They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize