She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You have to summon your inner elephant
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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