if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
