I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
