You just made me feel so damn special
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
