I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
