I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
