if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
