One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize