The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
