i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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