Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize