....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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