one might say we're banned from that church
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
