made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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