Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize