just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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