i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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