Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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