woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
