So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
