Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
