They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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