He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
