I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
