I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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