I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
