I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize