we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
