I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I forget how to act sober
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
