Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
