Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
