Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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