this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
