also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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