they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize