Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
