Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
