i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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