i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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