I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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