im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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