I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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