She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
