everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize