Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
