i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
