Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
