people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
