Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
