Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
as a side note pls kill me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
