Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
