You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
