Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
