I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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