Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
