Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
