I want to stick my p in your. b.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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