First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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