There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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